Am I Co-Dependent?   

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

   Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

   Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

   Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
• I accept sex when I want love.

   Control Patterns:

• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

   Relationship Patterns - Codependents may find that they:

• Diminish their social circle as they become involved with another person. 
• Link their dreams for the future to the other person.
• Link their quality of life to that of the other person.
• Try to control the other person’s appearance, dress, and behavior, feeling that these things are a reflection on them.
• Do not realize that being vulnerable is a means to greater intimacy.
• Do not know or believe that asking for help is both okay and normal.
• Use giving as a way of feeling safe in a relationship.
• Question or ignore their own values in order to connect with the other person.
• Remain steadfastly loyal, even when such loyalty is unjustified and personally harmful.
  

Copyright © 1998 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Incorporated and its licensors - All Rights Reserved

(back to top)